Third, those who have had sex before marriage or who have been too physical can still have wonderful Christ honoring marriages. Christ came to help put us back together again. What you do before marriage will have consequences. But Jesus, by his word, his Spirit, and his people, can help you work through your past sins so your marriage can honor Christ. Those who have sinned sexually should not despair. Christ picks us up where we are.
Sexual purity is one of the most difficult things for a single man or woman to maintain in our world. The ease of access to porn, the late age at which many people are marrying, the freedom people have in their single life, and the failure by fathers and pastors to faithful shepherd has left many Christians singles open to sexual sin. In a series of blog posts I would like to address how single Christians can maintain sexual purity.
By the way, in recent years the sexual purity of women has become just as big a problem as sexual purity of males. 1 out of 3 internet pornography users is a woman. Most women do not enter marriage as virgins. Even those women who are virgins have often been physical with guys or become emotionally attached to men. Sexually purity of both body and mind is not a male thing anymore. These posts are addressed to both men and women. Throughout these articles I will be using the phrase “sexual purity” in a broad way to mean physical, emotional, and mental purity.
Three things for single men and women to remember as they pursue sexual purity.
First, sexual purity is possible. In our culture purity may seem like a dream for both men and women. Our culture tells us to not deny our urges, but instead to act upon them. What harm can a little pornography do? What harm can those lustful thoughts do? What is the big deal if I flirt with some of the guys? But the Scriptures expect us to be sexually pure. When our Lord Jesus gives us commands like Matthew 5:27-30 or Ephesians 5:3-5 or I Thessalonians 4:3 or I Corinthians 6:18 he is not mocking us. He is not saying, “I am giving you these commands, but I know you cannot do these things.” No! He is saying, “Because I have forgiven you and given you my Spirit and taken out your heart of stone you can be holy, clean, and pure.” We can be sexually pure because our Savior has made us clean by his blood. Practical holiness is not a dream.
Second, sex is good and you were made for a sexual relationship within the bounds of marriage. Christians rightly warn that sex outside of marriage is sinful. But the danger is that we come to see sex as bad instead of sinful sex as bad. Marriage is a “you are now free to have sex” card. Unless you have the gift of celibacy, you were made to sleep with someone. Don’t let your fight for sexual purity become a fight against sex itself. We don’t hate dessert just because we had to wait for it.