Modern Marriage: I Love Me & Commit to Myself


As America continues her descent into madness, satire becomes a more and more difficult task. Take this article, which explains why women (yes they are all women) are marrying themselves.

Self-marriage is a small but growing movement, with consultants and self-wedding planners popping up across the world.

People are marrying themselves. People are having wedding ceremonies where they make vows to love themselves, be compassionate to themselves, and never leave themselves. Here is one example:

Solo weddings can take many forms. Dominique Youkhehpaz married herself in a quiet ceremony with candles in her bedroom when she turned 22, vowing to be kind and compassionate to herself. She was the only one in attendance, although she announced the union to friends. For a ring, she went with a nose ring. “I breathe my vows every day,” she says.

She first came across the concept of self-marriage when she was a student at Stanford University, studying love, ritual, and religion in the anthropology department. She happened to meet a woman who had once said vows to herself in a mirror, and the idea stayed with her. When she graduated in 2011, Dominique went to the Burning Man festival in Nevada, where the theme was Rites of Passage. She decided to help women at Burning Man marry themselves, saying their vows into a mirror. Word got around, and some 100 women showed up to tie the knot. Some came wearing wedding gowns; others carried flowers. The scene was emotional, Dominique says. “Imagine hearing 100 women stand in front of a mirror and speak the words that they have always longed to hear.”

“I will never leave myself.” “I promise to ask for help when I’m suffering.” “I promise to look in the mirror every day and be grateful.” “I promise to give you the incredible life that you long for.

Another woman says, “”Marrying yourself is a way to commit to your dreams.”

As Christians how should we think about this?

First, despite claims to the contrary, this is narcissistic. But marriage has been narcissistic for decades even in the church. Marriage is about making me happy and fulfilling my dreams. This is why divorce is so rampant. If marriage was a vow to be faithful no matter what divorce would be rare. But if marriage is about my joy and happiness when that joy dissolves, I am free to leave. Right? That is why we refuse to be fruitful in our marriages. Children are hard. Okay, maybe I will have one or two, but three, four, five, seven? How could I possibly be happy like that? If marriage is about making me happy, then self-marriage is one logical end. Who can make me happier than me? Why risk marrying a man who can ruin my perfect life?  It is narcissistic. But is also not out of line with much of Christianity today where the key is how we feel. How many people enter marriage with the exact same mindset as people who marry themselves?

Second, this is one more step towards the ultimate goal of abolishing all forms of traditional marriage, male headship, and traditional sexual ethics. The goal is total annihilation of all things Biblical when it comes to marriage and sex. We want the freedom to do what we want, when we want, how we want without anyone telling us whether it is right or wrong. Here are some quotes from a divorced woman on why she likes self-marriage. Bold is mine.

It’s not a legal process — you won’t get any tax breaks for marrying yourself [Yet? PJ]. It’s more a “rebuke” of tradition, says Rebecca Traister, author of All the Single Ladies: Unmarried Women and the Rise of an Independent Nation. “For generations, if women wanted to have economic stability and a socially sanctioned sex life or children, there was enormous social and economic pressure to do that within marriage,” she says. “Personally, as someone who lived for many years single and then did get married, I know that the kind of affirmation I got for getting married was unlike anything I’d ever had in any other part of my life.” That, she adds, is “incredibly unjust.”

Marriage (to another person) is on the decline. Barely half of all adults in the U.S. are married — a record low — according to a 2011 study from the Pew Research Center. In 1960, 72% of adults age 18 and older were married, while today, just 51% are wed. People are waiting longer to marry as well: The median age at first marriage is at a new high for brides (26.5 years) and grooms (28.7 years).

Nonetheless, the stigma for single women remains. “It’s left over from centuries of one kind of marriage pattern and one path for women,” Traister says. She recalls reading books as a girl in which the story always ended when the heroine got married, as if that were the ultimate goal. “We’re set up as a culture to treat marriage as the most exciting thing you’ll ever do in your life,” she says. “But if you marry yourself, you can say: My life is just as meaningful as the life of the person who happens to be getting married.”

And later:

A guy she knew said it sounded narcissistic and pointless. But Erika says loving yourself, and being yourself, is a good thing. “I think freedom should mean freedom to choose our own path,” she says. “And marrying yourself isn’t surrendering to the wedding-industrial complex. It’s saying yes to something new.

Christians have to understand that the goal is not a live and let live mentality. The goal is the rejection of Scripture and natural revelation along with the total acceptance of whatever any one wants to do. There are no brakes. And they will not be happy until you accept them as they are.

Finally, look at that statistic above. In 1960 72% of folks over 18 were married. Today it is around 51%. The average age for men getting married is almost 29 years old. There are many needs in the church today, but at the top of the list is teaching that marriage is honorable and should be a goal for most Christians. Also Christian parents should be teaching their children to marry a Christian, marry young, and have a lot of children. On top of this pastors and parents need to teach and model that marriage is about giving, not getting. I understand that sounds cliche. But in our world we have to say it. You marry to serve and to love and to pour yourself out for your spouse, children, fellow Christians, and the world. We need to continue to undermine the idea that the world exists to make me happy and fulfilled. Perhaps nothing so erodes true Christianity as this concept. If we can teach and model that marriage is honorable and a way to sacrifice then we might begin to lay the foundation for  long-term reformation.