Category Archives: Fathers

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July 21, 2016

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Fathers, God, Justice, Pastoral, The Christian Home

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Showing Compassion in the Nasty Public World

Good Samaritan

I am a pastor with nine kids and a flock of about 14 households to care for, which includes over sixty people. I have made many excuses over the years for not being involved with or caring for people outside my family and church.  But the world doesn’t just need fathers at home and fathers in the church the world needs fathers in the city gates. Our communities need men who care about the community, who will preach to her, live truth in front of her, call her leaders to walk in the truth, care for her physical needs, and love her. But too many Christians, especially conservative ones, are rarely involved in their community. Pastor Tim Bayly’s chapter “City Fathers” in his book Daddy Tried was convicting on this issue. Here is a section where he sweeps away the excuses we make for not caring for those in our community.

In His parable of the Good Samaritan, Jesus introduced to a godly city father. I’m sure you know the story. The man really loved his fellow man, the man who as a good father, even to a stranger in his community, was the man who helped him. And I’m sure you remember the uncaring men who did not stop to help their brother in need. What sorts of excuses might we make if we came across a man left for dead by thieves today.

-Uh, right Jesus; we should love our neighbor as ourselves. But you know, right now I’m working on loving myself. And you know, it’s hard work! I grew up in a broken home…

-You know what Jesus? My parents never took me to church or Sunday school. I grew up in a single parent home. Men came and went every couple of months and “God” was  curse word, so I am trying to change all that in my home. We have family devotions every morning, we’re part of a family-centered church and we homeschool. I run my own business, so between family dinner and homeschooling and co-op and flute and piano lesson and gymnastics and soccer and church and my business, I pretty much fall into bed every night…

-We’re committed to having as many children as the Lord chooses to bless us with, so my wife doesn’t have a minute to call her own. We’ve seven kids in ten years-it’s been forever since she and I got away along together. I know I’m supposed to love my neighbor. But honestly, where’s the time…

-Part of the reason we live out here in the country is so we can get away from the world’s bad influences. Some of the people around here are meth addicts and I really don’t want them in our home. I don’t want them around my wife or children. I’m afraid if I stopped at their house to meet them, someone might light a cigarette and the whole place would blow up. You know?…

-Listen Jesus. You know what? I don’t think my so called “neighbor” is that lousy bum out walking in the traffic island in the middle of the intersection trying to make people sorry for him with that sign asking for money. He can work just as good as me. Why doesn’t he? You know he’s gonna spend the money on booze or drugs. He’s not my neighbor….

-I’ve thought carefully about the whole thing, Jesus. Poverty is not an economic problem. It’s a spiritual problem with a spiritual solution. Real poverty isn’t hunger or thirst or limited medical care. It’s dying without faith in Jesus Christ. We need to give our attention to the first things. We’ve gotta be Gospel-centered. We can’t spend our time arranging deck chairs on the Titanic when souls are dying and going to Hell…

-Jesus, think of all the so-called Christians who have turned away from witnessing to the Gospel, instead talking about social justice, healing the planet, sustainability, and global warming. Is that what this is all about? Are You just telling me to engage in more liberal do-goodsim?…

You see how many ways we justify our cold hearts? We love ourselves quite well, thank you. Meanwhile, we’re absolutely convinced we have no money or time or energy to love any outsider. We think most of Christian living is simply keeping our marriage and home intact.

Jesus wants us to understand that being a neighbor to a man in need is not a duty, but a privilege. Instead of trying to limit our compassion, we’re to live by faith trusting God to give us everything we need as we look for opportunities so serve, love, and show compassion in the nasty public world outside our clean homes and churches.

It’s our privilege to take responsibility for others, especially others from the wrong side of the tracks, others lacking visas, others who worship a false god, others whose problems are overwhelming to us and will likely bankrupt us if we stop to ask how we may help. This is our privilege.

This is what God did for us. See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us that we would be called children of God; and such we are. (I Jn 3:1)

Our Father is unbelievably  liberal with His love, isn’t He? If we are commanded to be like Him, why are we so conservative? When He has been so tender can compassionate, sending His only begotten Son to die for sinful man, how can we be so stingy? Why are we so tight-fisted?

Look, the world doesn’t have enough bandwidth on the web or ink and paper to print all the excuses we self-professed Christian men use to justify ourselves in our lovelessness. Can we not commit ourselves to hear Jesus’s story and to learn what He intended to teach us by our hero, the Good Samaritan?

This chapter was painful to read. We, conservative Christians who love our money and peace and privacy and theology,  make these excuses. We wrap our coldness up in Bible verses and pious phrases. The reality is we don’t want to get dirty with the world. We don’t want the beaten man’s blood on our nice clean clothes. How can we change this brothers? How can we get our families to care, to truly love, those in our community?  I continue to evaluate what the church, her pastors, and her people are called to do out in the “nasty public world.” One thing I am convinced of is that we need to find ways to love our neighbors and to practice justice and mercy in the city gate. If we do not our witness will be weak and God will not be glorified.

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July 15, 2016

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American Culture, Fathers, Parenting, Podcast

2016.Episode 18~Discipline is Love

Electric_chair

In the podcast I explain the connection between spanking, excommunication, and capital punishment and how the failure of fathers to discipline at all levels has led to a lawless society.

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July 14, 2016

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Book Review, Family, Fathers, Feminism, Pastoral

Book Review: The Christian Family by Herman Bavinck

The Christian FamilyThe Christian Family by Herman Bavinck

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I really enjoyed this book for several reasons.

First, Bavinck wrote (1908) as some of the great transitions in family life and society were taking place. This included the movement away from an agrarian culture, the advancement of women’s rights, increase in divorce, the allure of Marxism/socialism, the industrial revolution, and the push of evolutionary theory. This book gives you a window into the mind of a great Christian theologian during a period of drastic change.

Second, Bavinck sticks to principles while acknowledging that application can change. For example, he notes that women are working in various fields. He says that may be inevitable. But then he goes on to say that women should obtain jobs that line up with their central vocation, being wives and mothers. He also encourages women to be trained as housekeepers first and then in a vocation second. In keeping with this idea, he says that once puberty hits women should be educated differently than men. He keeps motherhood and being a wife at the center while acknowledging certain realities of modern life. He also does a good job of acknowledging that sin exists in all ages and yet each age does bring unique challenges.

Third, there was a lot more discussion of the state and society than one might think in a book like this. He discusses how dangerous the state takeover of a child’s education is. He also says that the state educating children allows a woman to leave the home more easily. He also discusses private property, communal property, and the movement into the cities.

Fourth, he is unashamedly patriarchal. He calls women to obey and submit to their husbands. He says husbands are the masters of their homes.

Finally, he is a great writer. Part of this is due to the translator, Nelson Kloosterman,  since Bavinck originally wrote in Dutch. Many sentences and paragraphs are a joy to read not just because of the content, but because of the way he says it.

My Rating System
1 Star-Terrible book and dangerous. Burn it in the streets.

2 Stars-Really bad book, would not recommend, probably has some dangerous ideas in it. Few books I read are 1 or 2 stars because I am careful about what I read.

3 Stars-Either I disagree with it at too many points to recommend it or it is just not a good book on the subject or for the genre. Would not read it again, reference it, or recommend it. But it is not necessarily dangerous except as a time waster.

4 Stars-Solid book on the subject or for the genre. I would recommend this book to others and would probably read it again or reference it. Most books fall in this category because I try not to read books I don’t think will be good. There is a quite a variety here. 3.6 is quite different from 4.5.

5 Stars-Excellent book. Classic in the genre or top of the line for the subject. I might also put a book in here that impacted me personally at the time I read it. I would highly recommend this book, even if I do not agree with all that it says. Few books fall in this category. Over time I have put less in this category.

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July 8, 2016

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Book Review, Fathers, Feminism, Masculinity, Pastoral

Book Review: Daddy Tried by Tim Bayly

Daddy Tried: Overcoming the Failures of FatherhoodDaddy Tried: Overcoming the Failures of Fatherhood by Tim Bayly

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Pastor Bayly has been a great influence on me over the years through his blog and I am grateful for this book. Fatherhood is so misunderstood and maligned in our culture. With warmth, love, wisdom, and the occasional punch Pastor Bayly takes us through what fatherhood is and who our good Father is. I love books where the author just believes what the Bible says. Too many nickel and dime the Bible until it means very little. Also the book “steeled my spine” as Dr. Frame says in the endorsement. I came away sorry for my sins as a father, grateful for the grace of Christ, and ready to dig in and get to work with courage and trust in God.

I really enjoyed his chapter on discipline. I have nine children with a tenth on the way. Discipline is hard and time consuming. It is easy to get slack in the task. His reminder that discipline is love was sorely needed.

His chapter on fathers in the gates was convicting as well. I make too many excuses for not being involved in the community. Pastor Bayly exposes those and encourages us men to find ways to get involved in our community.

Finally, I loved the tender affection for God and others that is woven throughout the book. Christians fathers should be known for their love, their physical affection with their children, their wife, and their friends. We should be known for our tears and our passion. Pastor Bayly doesn’t just exhort us to Christian affection, he shows it in the way the book is written. I can imagine that many of these ideas have been spoken dozens of times in pastoral counseling, over coffee, or after church in the parking lot. He shepherds us fathers as we read. I highly recommend it for all fathers, sons, grandfathers, pastors, and elders.

My Rating System
1 Star-Terrible book and dangerous. Burn it in the streets.

2 Stars-Really bad book, would not recommend, probably has some dangerous ideas in it. Few books I read are 1 or 2 stars because I am careful about what I read.

3 Stars-Either I disagree with it at too many points to recommend it or it is just not a good book on the subject or for the genre. Would not read it again, reference it, or recommend it. But it is not necessarily dangerous except as a time waster.

4 Stars-Solid book on the subject or for the genre. I would recommend this book to others and would probably read it again or reference it. Most books fall in this category because I try not to read books I don’t think will be good. There is a quite a variety here. 4.1 is quite different from 4.9.

5 Stars-Excellent book. Classic in the genre or top of the line for the subject. I might also put a book in here that impacted me personally at the time I read it. I would highly recommend this book, even if I do not agree with all that it says. Few books fall in this category. Over time I have put less in this category.

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March 22, 2016

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Fathers, Sex, The Christian Home

Hot Coals

Hot Coals

There are four sections in the early chapters of Proverbs that deal with the theme of sexual morality; 2:10-22, 5:1-23, 6:20-35, and 7:1-27. Solomon felt this was a major issue in the life of young men. No other subject, outside of wisdom itself, dominates Proverbs 1-10 like the issue of adultery and the seductive woman. Reading the four sections one can see three key themes:

I. Wisdom Precedes Holiness-See Proverbs 2:10-11, 5:1-2, 6:20-23 and 7:1-5. Solomon begins his discussion of sexual sin in the same place he began the discussion of wise living (Proverbs 1:7), the fear of the Lord. All the practical hedges in the world will not a protect a man who does not walk in the wisdom. Wisdom, that is fearing God, precedes a righteous life. Holiness does not begin with actions, but with attitudes that lead to specific God-honoring actions. 

II. The Harlot is Attractive-See Proverbs 2:16, 5:3, 6:24-25 and 7:10-21. The harlot is not an ugly woman with four teeth, who cannot string two words together. She is beautiful and flattering with her speech. Men need to acknowledge that seductive women are seductive for a reason: they look good and talk sweetly. Only a fool fights adultery by pretending the woman is ugly. Fathers and mothers in particular need to understand this with their sons. Telling them that girl on the cover of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition is ugly is a lie. And boys know this. It is better to say, “Yes that woman is beautiful, but she isn’t yours. And lusting after her will destroy your soul.” Boys (and men) must learn to say no to what looks good and would certainly be a delight initially.  What mother keeps her son from eating cookies before dinner by telling him the cookies won’t taste good?

III. Her End is Destruction-See Proverbs 2:18-22, 5:4-14, 6:26-35 and 7:21-27. This destruction can be poverty, an angry husband or father, loss of a job, loss of a wife, or loss of reputation. Whatever it is, the man who indulges his lusts has picked up fire. However, the destruction can take a while to show up. Men can be lulled into believing that the judgment of God is a fiction. A man can indulge his lusts year after year and believe he is getting away with it. He can flirt with the girl at work for quite a while and believe God does not see. But it is only a matter of time before the illusion of invincibility is pulled away. When a man gives in to sexual temptation with his body, at his computer, or in his mind over and over again destruction is assured.

How to Protect Yourself
1. Stay far away from her-Proverbs 5:8 and 7:25-26. The man in Proverbs 7 went near her house. If we hang around a seductive woman it is like dancing around a trap (Proverbs 7:23).  We will get caught. In the world of the Internet this is increasingly difficult. Half-naked woman show up on all sorts of clean sites. You can watch explicit sex scenes on Netflix or Amazon. But the principle still holds. Move past those images as quickly as possible.  Don’t watch that show. Refuse to go to lunch with the co-workers because of that short skirt and those flirty eyes. Notice in 7:26 that all men killed by the seductive woman were strong men or mighty men. We tend to believe that we can handle it. “I know that friend of mine fell, but I won’t,” said every fool that has ever lived. The truth is we are weak. Run men. Run.

2. A vigorous married life-Proverbs 5:15-20. Delighting in the marriage bed is a helpful deterrent to adultery. Proverbs uses breasts and intoxication in the same verse (Proverbs 5:19) for  a reason. God expects us to enjoy sex with our spouses. He intended it to be good.  The goal is not to have great sex by the world’s standard. You don’t need to go buy a manual on how to have the perfect orgasm. The goal is to be thoroughly satisfied by your wife. If the marriage bed is cold then our temptations will be stronger and wills weaker. 

3. Remember the eyes of the Lord-Proverbs 5:21. God is always in the room. He is always at the office or the gym. He knows when we take a second glance. He knows we went a certain way to get a look at that girl. He knows we watched a movie or TV show just see the sex scene. He sees all the way in. When a man longs for righteousness this is a good thing. He wants the added accountability that comes with knowing God is there. But when a man is hypocrite the last thing he wants to remember is that God is there. Does God’s presence scare you or comfort you? 

4. Guard your heart-Proverbs 4:23, 6:25 and 7:25. The greatest danger to your morality is not porn, co-workers, the gym, or Netflix. The greatest danger is you. Jesus says in Matthew 15:16-20 that all our sins come from the inside out. James 1:14-15 says the same thing. We sin not because of what is out there in the world, but because of what is in our hearts. Here is why certain practical steps, such as Covenant Eyes or accountability partners, cannot ultimately help. They can be a good stop gap and I recommend them for those struggling. These steps are not useless. But they do not guarantee purity of heart.  It is possible to not look at porn and still struggle with lust. A man doesn’t have to have hundreds of nude images on his computer to be in danger of adultery. Take the practical steps you need to, but continue to work on your heart. Through the Word, Spirit, and God’s Spirit filled people we must not just monitor our outward actions, but also our inward motivations. Why do we do what we do? What is going on inside that no one sees? We need to reshape what we love. Learn to love Jesus more and your lusts less. Some key ways we do this are by reading and memorizing Scripture (Psalm 119:11) and gathering for weekly worship (Hebrews 10:25).