Category Archives: Sexual Immorality

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September 23, 2015

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Abortion, Children, Parenting, Pastoral, Sex, Sexual Immorality

No, It Really Isn’t That Hard

In a recent article in the Huffington Post, Wendy Davis, a Democratic politician from Texas who tried to become governor said this:

She is angry about the threat of Planned Parenthood being defunded. She thinks abortion is great. She thinks it is unfair for women to have carry children to term. 
Several thoughts went through my mind as I read this. First, the use of “literally” is like, totally, lame. 
Second, no one is forcing women into being child bearing vessels. They are born that way.  God made women to bear children. They do not enter this world with no reproductive organs and then some scientist inserts a womb. They enter this world with wombs and breasts, which are for carrying, giving birth to, and feeding children. 
Third, very few women are forced to bear children. The only exception would be a pregnant rape victim. All other women know that having sex can lead to children and they chose to do it anyway. If they don’t want children then they shouldn’t have sex. Typically we see in this statement by Ms. Davis the divorcing of sex from procreation. She wants to chant, “Make love, not children.” The world doesn’t work that way. 
Finally, is it really that hard to feed and educate a bunch of children? Raising children is hard work. But feeding them and educating them is not the most difficult part. In fact, I have never had a problem feeding or educating my children. One year I made less than thirteen thousand dollars and my children (at that time I had four) were still fed, clothed, and educated. Currently, I have nine children. My wife has not worked for money in many years. I am a pastor. In other words, I am not rich, have a lot of children, and my wife does not work. You might think I would struggle to make ends meet. But that is not the case. We feed our children just fine without using government money.  We home school our children and they regularly score above the national average on tests. In other words, I pay for my kids school and I pay for someone else’s kids school. My church is kind to me, but I know that even with nine children I could feed and educate them on a lot less than what I currently make. 
Everyone does not have to do it my way, though I think you should avoid the schools of Molech. And I know there are hard cases where it is difficult to pay the bills. But most people by hard work, careful use of resources, sacrifice, and a refusal to buy everything being sold by the advertisers can feed and educate their children, even when they have a lot of them. It is getting harder to make ends meet. But that is because of all the taxes being taken from the people to fund overseas wars, public school, welfare, and Planned Parenthood. We can feed and educate our children as long the Republicans and Democrats will let us keep our money.  So the answer is not more government programs or abortion. The answer is lower taxes, hard work, and lots of little feet. 
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November 19, 2013

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Sanctification, Sex, Sexual Immorality

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Sexual Purity for Singles: Three Foundations

Sexual purity is one of the most difficult things for a single man or woman to maintain in our world. The ease of access to porn, the late age at which many people are marrying, the freedom people have in their single life, and the failure by fathers and pastors to faithful shepherd has left many Christians singles open to sexual sin. In a series of blog posts I would like to address how single Christians can maintain sexual purity.

By the way, in recent years the sexual purity of women has become just as big a problem as sexual purity of males. 1 out of 3 internet pornography users is a woman. Most women do not enter marriage as virgins. Even those women who are virgins have often been physical with guys or become emotionally attached to men.  Sexually purity of both body and mind is not a male thing anymore. These posts are addressed to both men and women. Throughout these articles I will be using the phrase “sexual purity” in a broad way to mean physical, emotional, and mental purity.

Three things for single men and women to remember as they pursue sexual purity. 
            
First, sexual purity is possible. In our culture purity may seem like a dream for both men and women. Our culture tells us to not deny our urges, but instead to act upon them. What harm can a little pornography do? What harm can those lustful thoughts do? What is the big deal if I flirt with some of the guys? But the Scriptures expect us to be sexually pure.  When our Lord Jesus gives us commands like Matthew 5:27-30 or Ephesians 5:3-5 or I Thessalonians 4:3 or I Corinthians 6:18 he is not mocking us. He is not saying, “I am giving you these commands, but I know you cannot do these things.” No!  He is saying, “Because I have forgiven you and given you my Spirit and taken out your heart of stone you can be holy, clean, and pure.” We can be sexually pure because our Savior has made us clean by his blood. Practical holiness is not a dream.  

Second, sex is good and you were made for a sexual relationship within the bounds of marriage.  Christians rightly warn that sex outside of marriage is sinful. But the danger is that we come to see sex as bad instead of sinful sex as bad. Marriage is a “you are now free to have sex” card. Unless you have the gift of celibacy, you were made to sleep with someone.  Don’t let your fight for sexual purity become a fight against sex itself. We don’t hate dessert just because we had to wait for it. 

Third, those who have had sex before marriage or who have been too physical can still have wonderful Christ honoring marriages. Christ came to help put us back together again. What you do before marriage will have consequences. But Jesus, by his word, his Spirit, and his people, can help you work through your past sins so your marriage can honor Christ. Those who have sinned sexually should not despair. Christ picks us up where we are. 

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August 12, 2013

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Pastoral, Sexual Immorality

Should a Pastor Teach Frankly on Sexual Issues?

Here is my latest post over at Kuyperian Commentary. I posted something similar here last year.

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June 22, 2012

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Sexual Immorality

Battle Plan for Lust and Pornography

There are no easy answers in the battle with pornography. There is hardly a man around who is not been exposed to it. Many men have been addicted to it for extended periods of time. It has also become a much bigger problem among females over the last decade. The marriage bed is often compromised because of it. For pastors, it is one of the dominant themes of our ministries. It does not go away.  If it is not being addressed regularly that is not because it is not there, but rather because it is being ignored. 


As a pastor, one the questions I ask the men in my church is, “Are you looking at pornography/sexually provocative materially?”  If they say, “Yes.” I pester them until I get a good idea of how much and how often they look at it.  Then I develop with them a plan to fight against it. Pornography and lust die hard deaths, but by the Spirit and the Word, they can die. Here are some of the things I tell the men at my church to do to battle lust and pornography.  There are other things I say and not all of these points are equally effective for all  men. But they do get them going down the right road. They are not in any particular order. 

a.   Memorize verses to renew your mind.  I encourage memorizing two types of verses. First, memorize what I call practical verses, such as II Timothy 2:22, “Flee youthful lusts, etc.” Second memorize verses that call to mind the glory of Christ and his work. I call these doctrinal verses.  Anything from Ephesians 1 or 2 would do. These two types of verses remind you of what you are to do and who you serve and have been saved by. 

b.   Pray frequently, especially before entering tempting situations. Prayer reminds you that God exists and will help you and it fixes your mind on the battle ahead. I know for many men the work environment is one of the worst situations, as women often dress immodestly. I would encourage regular prayer before and during the work day. 

c.   Remember that your sins are truly forgiven in Christ. He does not forgive partially. He does not forgive based on you overcoming your sin. He forgives abundantly and completely and frequently. This great truth will keep you from despair as you fight. 

d.   Pornography is about worship. Learning to worship God is a key to overcoming pornography. Worship drives who we are. Sunday worship is one of the greatest tools God uses to drive out our idols. Let the songs, prayers, preaching, and fellowship all reshape you. It is a mystery how all this happens, but if you throw yourself into the Lord’s day and expect him to meet you there, you will be changed.

e.    Pornography is about desire. We must not just fight porn, but we must replace our desires for what is evil with our desires for what is good. We must learn to want what is righteous. This is probably the most difficult of all tasks. We look at porn or lust after women because we want to. We must learn to not want it.


f.     Expect the battle to be long and difficult and remember the battle lies primarily in your heart. When our hearts are loving God then any temptation can be defeated. Do not blame the women or the computer or the culture. They are not the reason you sin. 

g.    Avoid situations that you know will be tempting. Working late with no one around. Going to places where you know immodestly dressed women will be.  Spending hours on the internet unsupervised.  You know the situations where you fall. Find ways to avoid them. 

h.   Remember idleness leads to sin. Use your time wisely and productively and you will avoid a lot tempting circumstances.

i.    Try to diagnose the starting point where lust begins to take control of your heart. Often watching pornography is the last stop on a long path that we started down a while back. It is a lot easier to get off the path early rather than late. This was helpful for me as I fought against porn.  I found that usually when I ended up watching pornography I had allowed an earlier lustful thought to take root in my heart. I then nurtured this thought until it led me to want more. If I drove the thought out early I found that porn was not as great a temptation.
j.    Use the verses you have memorized. It does no good to memorize verses, but not use them.

k.   Keep a high level of accountability, especially as you first begin to battle pornography. Call before going into a tempting situation. I especially encourage calling elders because they can hold you genuinely accountable. They will give you real consequences if you continue to sin. Be completely truthful with those who hold you accountable. They cannot help you if you lie. 

l.     Expect temptation to come and often it will come from odd places. You may decide to avoid running at the gym because of all the women in sports bras. But then you end up standing in line behind a barely clothed woman at Wal-Mart. We must be ready to fight at all times.  A great verse for this is I Peter 5:8, “Be sober, be watchful.”  When I struggled with porn, my greatest failures came when I let my guard down. 

k.   Remember the difference between temptation and sin.  Merely seeing a beautiful woman in immodest clothing is not a violation of Matthew 5:28.  Thinking about viewing pornography is not the same as watching it. I will admit at times this line is blurry especially since we are poor judges of our own hearts.  But there is a difference. 

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October 18, 2011

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Sexual Immorality

Fighting Sexual Immorality

Proverbs considers sexual immorality one of the greatest temptations facing men. It is addressed early and often in the book. Here are some quick thoughts I gleaned on how to fight sexual immorality from a recent reading of Proverbs 5.
1. Remember that sexual immorality is trading a temporary pleasure for a permanent pain. (verses 1-6)

2. Remember that sexual immorality wastes your energy, money, and time. (verses 9-11).

3. Remember that sexual immorality will ruin your reputation. (vss. 12-14) The man who refuses to listen to instruction and consistently indulges in immoral acts will find himself on the edge of total ruin. He will be publically recognized as a fool.

4. Remember to enjoy your wife or wait for your future wife. (vss. 15-20)

5. Remember that God sees you when are sinning. (vss. 21-23) It is easy to believe that we are on our own , that no one sees us. But God’s eyes are always watching.